


Working title: Take Comfort Wherever You Can, You Can

by ro_mm_ck



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angst, M/M, Not!Fic, Random - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 17:19:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ro_mm_ck/pseuds/ro_mm_ck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard and Patrick start something during Warped that leaks into Patrick's solo career... ish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Working title: Take Comfort Wherever You Can, You Can

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Title comes from Comfort by Deb Talan.  
> Thanks to all of the people who looked at this in bits and pieces but I just never could get myself to finish it. I still want more of this... This was seriously supposed to be for [](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KateMonster/pseuds/KateMonster)KateMonster 's phone sex challenge like a bazillion years ago. 
> 
> So. Poor little fic, you have been abandoned.

They come in flashes sometimes, strange little glimpses of skin. When Patrick closed his eyes in the middle of pouring coffee in the morning or while he belted out a song on stage, it doesn’t seem to make any difference, the images swim behind his eyelids, unbidden. Sometimes the images were accompanied by the feel of pale skin under his fingers and it’s on those rare occasions that he’s grateful to be states away from the man he sees so often in his mind. 

Covered in sweat, Patrick stepped off stage and climbed backstage to wipe off his face and down an entire bottle of water. Even though he'd been used to the craziness of touring, his solo gigs had been challenging at first. Everything about this tour was different. There were no more trucker hats or ratty t-shirts. He didn't have his old band to hide behind. And though the guys he played with were crazy talented, the tour really did focus on him.

Patrick pretty much guessed that's what happens when you put your own name on a marquee instead of your band's.

What he hadn't counted on was enjoying the attention. He hadn't thought he was the type to see audiences filled with people staring up at him with longing in their eyes and feel electrified by it. Boys, girls, it didn't really matter, the whole thing was a rush and a shock to his system. It didn't hurt that most of them had been fans of Fall Out Boy already and much of the work of getting them excited was already done for him before the show had even begun.

Even the shows were different though. He would finish the show covered in sweat with a big smile on his face. At first he missed Pete and the guys but then the audience would cheer for an encore or he'd meet fans at the merch table and everything would be okay again. Their energy suffused his body with something that wasn't quite a tingle but left him itching for something, something he couldn't quite pin down.

Taking the stage for the encore, he looked into the audience and saw... Mikey and Gerard Way? They stood smiling in the back of the bar and it was as if he'd seen a ghost from Warped Tours Past. Gerard’s bright red hair and Mikey’s stark blond could not not be mistaken and Patrick missed his next cue in the song tripping up for a second before composing himself once again. The grin on his face didn’t leave until all of the fans have had their CDs signed, their pictures taken, and the bartender announced last call. He wasn’t sure how they managed to completely stand out to him and yet be completely invisible to the fans in the bar. Surely it was a magic trick. He finally wandered over to where the Way brothers were standing, pulling Mikey into a hug.

"I can't believe you guys came!" Patrick said with a grin. “I didn’t even know you knew I was playing here.”

“Pete emailed me your tour schedule,” Mikey explained as he hugged the smaller man like a long lost brother. 

"Besides, you knew you couldn't play Jersey and have us miss it, right?" Gerard said, tapping his cigarette on the ashtray before bringing it to his lips. The lack of contact between he and Gerard was kind of obvious but Patrick let it drop. He was too happy to see both of them and the adrenaline from a great show still pulsed through him. 

"I hoped someone would be able to come but I wasn't sure what your touring schedule was like," Patrick admitted, shaking his empty at the bartender asking for another bottle of water. He peeled at the label on the bottle as he looked at Mikey with a smile. 

"We're off for the next few weeks and then back on the road," Mikey informed him with a happy and yet resigned expression. "Frankie would have been out tonight but the twins are sick and Ray is building a studio in his basement... we may never see him again," Mikey said with a laugh before sipping on his drink.

"Good show, man," Gerard offered in the form of the world’s most blatantly awkward non-sequitor, lifting his Diet Coke in a salute. "Really loving the sound you've got going there."

"It really sounds like you," Mikey said with a smirk.

"So, kind of crazy, then?" Patrick offered.

"Basically, but in a way that makes sense... if that makes any sense," Gerard agreed.

Patrick laughed and took a big swig of his water, still parched from the performance and talking with fans for thirty minutes. He'd missed the My Chem guys. It had been ages since they'd toured together, or at least it felt like it in tour years which ended up being like dog years of a sort. Being with them was a strange kind of comforting after all of the craziness.

"Perfect sense, Gee,” Patrick said as he finally looked Gerard in the face with what he hoped was an expression free from the longing he felt for the now fire haired singer. He saw flashes of the old Gerard in this new one but things had changed for both of them and there was no going back now. 

Patrick talked with the Ways for almost an hour while the bar staff cleaned up the venue. The three of them passed on life updates for their mutual friends and just basically fell into the old habits of talking music and touring and the great places that delivered food at three in the morning in various cities. It was a calm moment and Patrick almost forgot that they weren't going to be packing up their gear and heading out with him.

"We've got to get out of here," Mikey said finally, finishing his drink and setting it on the bar.

"You're not staying for the after party? You know, if there were an after party," Patrick said, laughing at his lack of rock star ways.

"Nope. We're old men now. Didn't you hear?" Gerard said with a chuckle.

"I'd heard you were, Gee, but I thought Mikey had a few years left in him," Patrick joked , ducking as Gerard tried to smack him upside the head. "Let me walk you out. It was really good of you to come."

"Oh come on, man. There's no way we're missing our baby boy's show," Mikey teased as he ruffled Patrick's sweaty hair.

It was kind of hilarious to think of Gerard and Mikey as men with families especially considering how they had been when Patrick had last seen them. Gerard had just gotten sober and Patrick was sure there were quite a few things he'd done during the previous tour that he would have rather forgotten. Patrick hoped he didn't fall in line with the things Gerard would rather have left behind. They had only had one night together but sometimes, when he was alone, he could remember what Gerard tasted like, what his skin felt like, and the way his face looked when he...

Patrick shook his head to pull himself out of his memories and stood at the door of the club, holding it open for his friends. They both looked calm and happy and Patrick was happy for them even though the past was nagging at him. He'd just played a great show, had seen people he hadn't gotten a chance to talk with for years, and for some stupid reason he felt himself coming down from the high he'd been riding since the tour began.

"Thanks so much for coming out," Patrick said trying to keep the bittersweet feelings out of his voice. "I missed you guys."

"Awww... we missed you too, little man," Mikey said, hugging Patrick's head.

"Shut up," Patrick said, pushing Mikey's hands off him.

"We missed you too, Patrick," Gerard said, an earnest expression on his face.

Gerard did earnest on practically Olympic levels. Whereas on some people it would look practiced and fake, Gerard just made you feel like what he was saying was gospel truth. You could question it and he would give you a soft smile and you'd just know that everything was going to turn out fine even if you didn't agree. Normally this made Patrick feel almost comforted but just now, he couldn't handle it. He leaned in for a quick hug with Gerard and started pushing them out the door.

"You two need a minute?" Mikey asked. His crazy psychic powers apparently still on full blast after all of these years. Mikey had known about what had happened between he and Gerard and Patrick wasn't sure if it was because Gerard told him or if it was because Mikey had Vulcan mind melded with Patrick when he hadn't been paying attention. He hadn't told anyone, not even Pete, because he wasn't the type to kiss and tell. Patrick was pretty sure Pete had known anyway and that may have also explained Mikey but he guessed it didn’t really matter how Mikey knew, just that he did. The moment after his question dragged on as Patrick tried to find his breath and a way to turn the question into a joke. Neither were forthcoming and he finally resigned himself to an uncomfortable silence. 

“I’ll just go get the car,” Mikey said, not allowing the two of them to let the silence go unanswered.

“He’s annoying like that,” Gerard said as if he could read Patrick’s thoughts. Maybe it was a Way thing more than a Mikey thing. Gerard looked at him through the hair that had fallen in his face. His hands were stuffed in his jean pockets and he looked younger than Patrick ever remembered seeing him. 

“Yeah,” Patrick agreed. He turned away for a moment as they both watched Mikey walk toward the parking garages. When he looked back at Gerard he found himself being drawn to his small teeth as they nibbled nervously on his bottom lip. When his eyes moved up to meet Gerard’s, a breath caught in his chest. He was still every bit as beautiful as Patrick remembered. There was something magnetic and very nearly perfect about Gerard Way and there was absolutely no explaining it. 

“Sometimes I wish I smoked,” Patrick said nonsensically. 

Gerard honked a surprised laugh. “Why?”

“It would give me something to do right now. Maybe I just need a Twix or something,” he continued in a ramble. “You know, for when you need a minute?”

“You’re a product of too much advertising,” Gerard said with a chuckle. The smile on his face slowly wiped away as he continued to look at Patrick. “I know this isn’t fair,” he said as he stepped closer. 

Patrick stepped back and ended up against the club’s door. He looked up at Gerard and could tell what was coming. He could feel it as the sensation tickled against every square inch of his skin. When Gerard’s fingers touched his cheek he couldn’t help the nervous sigh that escaped his mouth. 

“Gerard,” he said, a warning in his tone and pleading in his eyes. 

“I can’t help it,” Gerard said as he touched his lips to Patrick’s. It was a feather light kiss but what it implied pushed down on Patrick as he felt himself give into it. He wasn’t sure if he would ever really be able to deny Gerard anything. 

Gerard moved a hand from Patrick’s face to his hip as he pulled the smaller man closer. “God. Patrick. God,” he moaned between kisses. “Missed you.” 

Patrick couldn’t do much more than whimper in an attempt to keep himself from crying. His brain was filled with so many feelings and absolutely no idea how to sort them all out. The feel of Gerard against him was like being pulled into the past without regard for what had happened after or what was happening now. His lips and tongue pulling Patrick down into a spiral of history and longing.

“Please,” Patrick said as he pulled back from Gerard and stared into his chest. He hadn’t even noticed the tears on his cheeks until Gerard rubbed the salty wetness into his skin. 

“Patrick,” Gerard said, drawing Patrick’s eyes upward. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” He started to back away. 

“No,” Patrick said. “I just... what is this?” He couldn’t help the way his hands trembled as he held onto Gerard’s elbow. 

“I honest to God don’t know,” Gerard said sounding lost and afraid. 

“Lyn-Z?” Patrick pushed. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to hear how happy Gerard was. He didn’t want to hear about Bandit or any of the wonderful things that had gone on since he’d last seen Gerard. He didn’t want to know these things but he had to ask. He wasn’t this person. He wasn’t a damn damsel in distress waiting to be rescued by Gerard mother-fucking Way. He hadn’t ever been the “other woman” and didn’t intend to be now. 

“On tour,” Gerard answered completely missing the point as he ran his fingers up Patrick’s side and looked at his lips as if he were memorizing them.

“Gerard,” Patrick said, his voice caught somewhere between a growl and a whimper. 

Gerard’s eyes snapped from his lips to his eyes and Patrick knew the same bewildered and frustrated look was mirrored in his own. He wanted Gerard so much. He’d wanted him long before they’d actually slept together and long after. Now with years and family between them, Patrick wasn’t sure how to handle everything. 

“I should really go,” Gerard said, still not moving. 

“Yeah, you should,” Patrick agreed unable to stop turning his face into the hand still on his cheek. 

“Gee.”

Patrick looked toward the street and saw Mikey sitting in the car waiting for Gerard. 

“Yeah,” Gerard said, still looking at Patrick. 

“It’s time to go,” Mikey said calmly. 

“Yeah,” he repeated. 

“Gerard,” Patrick said. He took the other man’s hands off his face and stepped back. Gerard looked at him with silent resignation and moved toward the car without turning around. “It was nice to see you,” Patrick lied. It hurt to see him and it hurt even more to know he was walking away again. 

“Nice,” Gerard said with his damned eyes swimming with hurt and yearning. “I didn’t mean...” he started. 

“I know you didn’t,” Patrick said, trying to understand and trying to save himself at the same time. He wasn’t the kid he’d been when they were touring together. He wasn’t the unsure person he’d been, the one who had been surprised by Gerard’s attention. He may have changed to a confident solo artist but some bits of that young man were still inside him and there was a part of him that would be in love with Gerard in some way forever. He tried to be the grown man but couldn’t resist when Gerard pulled him close to kiss him one last time. 

“I’ll call you,” Gerard promised against his lips. He could feel Mikey’s eyes on them as they stood stupidly looking at each other. 

“Okay,” Patrick said, dazed. 

“She wouldn’t care,” Gerard said.

“She?” Patrick said, drawing the word out as if it weren’t English. 

“Lyn-Z,” Gerard explained. “She knows about you.” 

Patrick couldn’t deal with all of this right now. He couldn’t deal with wives who were clearly better at sharing than he had ever been, or with feeling like he was twenty again. “You should go,” he said, trying to preserve his mind for a moment. He watched as Gerard stepped back and got into the car. He waved lamely at his brother as Mikey shot him a sad smile. 

Watching them drive away hurt but it felt like the right thing to do. Sometimes being right really sucked. With a sigh, he walked back into the bar to help his band lug everything down to their bus. It was a hotel night and he was looking forward to some alone time, especially after seeing the Ways. 

After everything was all put in its proper place, he bid his band adieu and walked back to their hotel. He wasn’t in the mood for company and he needed to sort his head out or risk being a whiny idiot for the rest of the tour. He was a damn lucky guy and sometimes needed to stop and remind himself of it. 

By the time he’d walked the ten blocks, he felt better, the fresh air and movement really doing him some good. When he put the key card into the slot, he heard his cell phone beep with a text message. Opening the door, he dug it out of his pocket and stared in surprise at what he saw. 

_Never stopped missing you._

Torn between sighing like a teenage girl and becoming angry, Patrick settled for the least passive aggressive approach tapped the screen to put a call through. He could feel the sad twenty year old man slipping away and then anger taking more of a hold. 

“Hello,” Gerard said, obviously surprised.

“Where the hell do you get off, Gerard Way?” Patrick said, righteous anger in his voice. 

“Wha...”

“You come to my show even though you’re married and you kiss me in the middle of the street and then you tell me that your wife knows about me and that she doesn’t mind sharing you and then you think you can just text me and tell me that you miss me like some damn harlequin romance novel and everything’s just going to be okay?” 

“Patrick I didn’t think...”

“No. You didn’t, Gerard. You didn’t think about what it would be like for me to see you after all of this time. I haven’t seen you since the our last night at Warped and you think you can come and stir shit up again? You didn’t text me then, what makes now any different?” Patrick could feel the anger building even more. He rarely got mad but when he did, it was a sight to behold. 

“Patrick I’m sorr...”

“You don’t get to say you’re sorry, man. You left me alone and in love with you and you didn’t have the decency to call me and tell me what the fuck I’d done wrong.” 

“You didn’t do any...”

“Fuck you, man!” Patrick yelled, seething. The unsure man he’d become as they’d walked out onto the sidewalk was gone now and had been replaced by this ball a fury. Every time Gerard tried to apologize or even speak, he just felt even more indignant. Patrick was actually grateful for the anger. It was much easier to deal with than the swirling ball of whatever he’d been feeling about an hour ago. “You don’t get to do that to me!”

“Fuck this! I didn’t fucking _do_ anything to you, Patrick!” Gerard finally yelled. 

“Are you fucking serious, man?” Patrick said, his eyes wide at the other man’s sheer nerve. 

“Is it a convenient memory lapse you’ve got there?” Gerard yelled into the phone. “I’m not the one who put an end to things, if you’ll recall. I’d been trying to get with you all summer, man.”

“Bullshit!” 

“I had to go back with the guys because we had band commitments and I said that we could try to work this thing out. It was one night together and I was willing to give a shot at a long-distance thing even with both of us being on tour...” he said the anger draining out of his voice to the point where he just sounded tired. “You were the one who said we should just let it lie.” 

Patrick tried to remember that morning. He had been exhausted from being up all night with Gerard and getting about two hours of sleep before the noise outside the bus had woken them. All he remembered from that day was that Gerard left him. Some of what he was saying now was making sense and the tingle of true memories rang in his head but he couldn’t believe that he would have been the one to have said no, to have denied something, anything with Gerard. 

“Why do you think I came tonight?” Gerard demanded. “I wouldn’t come just to torture you. You know I’m not like that, right?”

“I don’t know anything anymore,” Patrick answered quietly. He collapsed into the bed clutching his phone. Shutting his eyes tightly as if the act of doing so would extend his memory backward. “I honestly don’t remember anything about that morning except you leaving me behind.”

He could hear Gerard sucking a breath in and then the line sat silent for a moment. Patrick was almost convinced that the call had been dropped it continued. “Gerard?” 

“I’m here,” Gerard said in a controlled voice. “How much do you want me to tell you, Patrick? Because I remember everything about that day.” 

Patrick had heard that voice before, though never directed at him. It was the voice Gerard used when he was trying to keep his cool. Patrick had only ever heard it when the shit had hit the fan but it seemed like Gerard was still trying to take a deep breath and count to ten. 

“I remember you kissing me,” Patrick admitted softly as he thought back to what he still recalled about that day. 

~*~

That summer had been completely ridiculous. He and Gerard had danced around each other every day without moving forward. Patrick had stayed away because he’d had no idea of how Gerard felt about him. It was like being in the sixth grade. 

“You should pass him a note after their set,” Pete had suggested unhelpfully. “Dear Gerard, Do you like me as much as I like you? Yes, No, Maybe (Please Check One),” he finished, indicating the parenthesis with his fingers, a carrot between his first two fingers the same way that some people would hold a cigarette. 

“Fuck off, man,” Patrick said lamely. 

“I could give it to him,” Pete offered. “I’m crazy stealthy.” 

“People often say that about you,” Patrick deadpanned. 

It had actually _been_ Pete who ended up making things happen for Patrick. It had more to do with Pete disappearing with Mikey than any note passing, but it had worked nonetheless. He’d gone in search of his bassist only to end up alone on a bus with Gerard Way. 

“Do you want some coffee?” Gerard offered after telling him that Pete and Mikey were hiding from My Chem as well. 

“I think I’ve had enough for today,” Patrick answered. 

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Gerard said with wince. 

“Not all of us can measure our lives in Blood Caffeine Levels,” Patrick said as he pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge instead. 

Gerard laughed as he topped off his cup and sat down on the couch. “What’d you need Pete for? I can call Mikey if it’s urgent.”

Patrick was sure that Gerard could find Mikey from beyond the grave if he needed to. He watched as Gerard took a sip of his coffee, closing his eyes in contentment. Patrick wished he could find half as much solace in anything, let alone a beverage. 

“It’s fine,” Patrick said, sitting down next to him. “Just wanted to talk to him about changing up the set list after Warped.”

“Oh shit,” Gerard said, setting his coffee down to light a cigarette. “Tonight was the last show. God!I completely forgot.” 

He absolutely believed that Gerard Way _would_ be able to completely forget the end of a tour, he was just that kind of guy. He was focused on the here and now and the past so much that the future got left behind fairly often. 

“Only you, Gerard,” Patrick said with a laugh. “Seriously, man. Didn’t you notice all of the packing, partying, and such going on around you?” 

Gerard scrunched his face and ended up looking a little like Pete when he was doing his “Grr” face. Apparently for Gerard it was a thinking face. Seeming to come to a decision, he looked back at Patrick. “I went to find coffee,” he offered by way of an explanation. 

Patrick couldn’t help it, he laughed like an absolute idiot. He laughed until his stomach hurt and he couldn’t breathe. When he finished, Gerard was looking at him with an entirely pleased expression. 

“You have a great laugh,” Gerard said, his eyes dancing over Patrick’s face. 

“Thanks,” Patrick said feeling like a lame child. 

“Listen,” Gerard said, pointing his body toward Patrick and crossing his legs Indian style on the couch. “I know you’re not the kind of guy who listens to tour gossip or anything, and I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that we’re both completely inept at flirting or dating, and I thought I needed to wait for a while before dating anyone because I’d just gotten sober, and even though Mikey said that you do it doesn’t mean that you do. You know what I mean?” Gerard said, completely unsuccessful at making any sense at all. 

“Um... actually... no.” 

“God I’m so bad at this. I didn’t used to be _great_ at this but I was never this bad. I mean I wasn’t sober when it happened before and I... Oh hell,” Gerard said as he leaned forward and softly touched Patrick’s lips with his. 

Patrick blinked stupidly as Gerard’s face and body retreated back to his side of the couch. He wasn’t quite sure that what his brain and boyd were telling him had just happened had actually in real life happened. He unconsciously licked his lips unsure if he was imagining the taste of Gerard on them or if it was really there. He looked at Gerard’s face and saw that his eyes were focused on Patrick’s lips. 

“Thanks,” Patrick managed to say after an awkward second. 

“Thanks?” Gerard asked as a smile began to light his face. Gerard nibbled on his bottom lip as he waited for Patrick to explain himself. Patrick barely suppressed a groan and was about to make a very large idiot of himself when Pete, Mikey, and Frank barged through the door. 

“Patrick!” Frank said as he launched himself onto the couch and into Patrick’s lap. “It’s been years, boy. What _have_ you been up to?” 

“You’re an idiot,” Patrick said with a put upon sigh. “I saw you an hour ago.” 

“I know, and I don’t know how we’ve lived so long apart,” Frank said, winding his arms around Patrick’s neck and giggling. 

“Are you very very high or just a little high?” Patrick asked sniffling his lap’s inhabitant. 

“Not even a little high,” Frank promised, crossing his heart. 

“He’s actually telling the truth,” Mikey explained calmly. “Unless you count sugar.” 

“I do,” Gerard said, reminding Patrick once again what had just been interrupted. 

“Awww Gee,” Frank said, sliding out of Patrick’s lap and attempting to climb onto Gerard. He wasn’t having any of it and, with the practice of a seasoned professional, shoved in the right place and just hard enough to send Frank sliding to the floor with a thud. 

“I think he doesn’t love you anymore,” Pete said with a big grin. 

“I don’t love him any less if that helps,” Gerard deadpanned. 

“It doesn’t really,” Frank said from the floor. “What’re you two doing besides being Frank haters?” 

“Oh... um...” Patrick mumbled.

“Patrick was looking for Pete,” Gerard said. “Something about a set list.” 

“Oh we can talk about that later,” Patrick volunteered hoping to get back to where they’d been when the guys had walked in the bus. It was completely doable so long as they actually left again which wasn’t looking like it was a possibility. 

“Yeah, we’ve got a bus ride home to talk about it,” Pete agreed, waving it off. “Though,” he said looking like he was thinking long and hard about what he was about to say, “you have to hear this CD Mikey just burned for me. They are SICK!” 

“Maybe later,” Patrick said, trying to be polite and yet dismissive. Really, between listening to music with Pete, which he could do anytime, and finding out what Gerard’s skin tasted like, there really was no contest. 

“Now!” Frank said, jumping up from his spot on the floor and grabbing Patrick’s hand. He was a force of nature on the worst of days and today he was riding the natural high of a great show and the addition of sugar which was never good. He was already out the door before he’d realized he’d started moving and frowned when it was apparent Gerard wasn’t following. 

~*~

Patrick grumbled in frustration at his stupid friends. He’d been dragged back to the Fall Out Boy bus and forced to listen to yet another cd of yet another band that Mikey had told Pete he absolutely _had_ to hear. As he settled into his bunk after finally being allowed to leave the lounge Patrick rolled his eyes at his friend. He was sure that tonight would have ended in more than a light kiss if Pete hadn’t barged in with Frank and Mikey in tow. There was no way anything beyond some uncomfortable looks were going to be exchanged at that point. Tugging the curtain closed and sighing at the tiny shred of privacy it provided, Patrick closed his eyes and thought about the hopeful look on Gerard’s face when he’d thanked him for the kiss. He still couldn’t believe that he’d done that. 

They’d been dancing around each other for weeks and it seemed like the end of the tour was what Gerard needed to actually do something about it. Something about the finality must have been the impetus Gerard required. Patrick had seen My Chem perform more often than he’d showered that summer. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but stare as their lead singer slinked across the stage. It had only become worse when he found out the levels of crazy nerd inside Gerard’s head. Patrick found himself smiling as images of Gerard immersing himself in some comic book or graphic novel ran through his head. He couldn’t help but find the smudges of ink from idle hours spent sketching ridiculously attractive. It was when he started to get turned on by the smell of brewing coffee, cigarettes, and sweat that Patrick knew he was hopelessly gone for Gerard. 

He let himself stop and think on Gerard’s pale skin and stupidly small teeth. Patrick can’t help but bite his own lip when he thinks about leaning forward and kissing Gerard back. He wonders what his mouth will taste like and what kind of kisser he would be. Would he dive right in, sliding his tongue along Patrick’s or would he take it slow? Would Gerard like it if Patrick nibbled on his jaw before kissing him? Would he push Patrick back on the couch and slide his body along his?

“God,” Patrick groaned, already half hard just thinking about it. Watching Gerard kissing Frank and basically masturbate on stage every night had flung Patrick from simple kisses and making out to thoughts about Gerard’s hands sliding along his dick as he mouthed at Patrick’s neck. He thought about Gerard’s hands, and how sure and strong they were. 

Patrick licked his lips at the image and began to unbutton his jeans. He wondered what Gerard would look like with Patrick’s hand wrapped around his dick. Patrick closed his eyes and pushed his hand under the waistband of his boxers and gripped himself loosely as he let the image of a blissed out Gerard dance behind his eyelids. 

Though he was not generally one for daydreaming about _giving_ blowjobs, Patrick couldn’t help but think of what Gerard would look like if he replaced his hand with his mouth. He could absolutely picture himself kissing down Gerard’s pale skin, sucking on his hip bones and placing wet open-mouthed kisses on his thighs before he took Gerard into his mouth. He could almost feel the weight of Gerard’s cock on his tongue. 

He kept his eyes closed as he let the fantasy cover his entire body. He slowly jacked himself and finally sucked a finger into his mouth to complete the feeling of imaginary Gerard gliding on his tongue. He put another finger inside and groaned around them as he sped up the fist around his own cock. His eyes rolled back under his eyelids as the pleasure rolled over his skin in waves. He licked and sucked at his fingers and could almost hear the noises Gerard would make when Patrick finally got his mouth around him. He arched his back and sucked hard on the fingers in his mouth. 

The tour was almost over so it wouldn’t matter if Patrick’s voice was shredded and hoarse the next day. He could let Gerard slide into his throat and swallow around him and the only consequence would be looking up Gerard’s pale skin into his face to lock eyes with him and showing Gee with a look exactly how much he wants to be doing this. He was so close to coming, he could feel his toes curling in his tennis shoes in anticipation. Gerard would look down at him with those expressive eyes of his and... 

“Patrick!” he heard from only feet away. The exclamation was followed by the sound of the bunk curtain being drawn back. He opened his eyes to find none other than Gerard Way standing next to him with his mouth and eyes wide open and his hand still clutched around the curtain. 

Patrick slowly withdrew his fingers from his mouth, his face burning with embarrassment. He’d been on tour with Pete forever so this wasn’t the first time someone had been caught jerking off on this bus, but to have his head so filled with Gerard and have him appear was more than any one person should have to handle. Patrick took his hand out of his pants and Gerard suddenly snapped out of the stupor he’d been standing in. 

“You look... I can’t even... I was just coming to continue our...” Gerard said in something near to a rushed pant, releasing the curtain and putting a hand on Patrick’s cheek he slid his thumb over Patrick’s lips. “God, Patrick.” 

“Gerard,” he breathed into Gerard’s thumb. “Um...” he flailed for a moment trying to find some way to make this less embarrassing and desperately failing. “I... um.”

“What were you thinking about?” Gerard said, withdrawing his hand from Patrick’s cheek. 

Patrick could physically feel the weight of his own blush on his skin. He looked away from the intense look and bit his lip nervously. Gerard sucked in a breath above him and Patrick looked up to see his eyes clouded with lust. “You,” Patrick admitted honestly. 

Gerard leaned over and kissed him. Patrick was sure Gerard had been holding back earlier, trying to test the waters. This kiss, however, was like launching a cannonball into a kiddie pool. He couldn’t feel Gerard touching him anywhere else on his body but his skin from his lips to his toes tingled and he could feel his erection straining against the underwear that had slid back up when he’d stopped jerking off. 

“God,” Gerard said against his lips. “Do you even know what you look like right now?” 

Patrick tried to think of an answer to that question but Gerard clearly wasn’t waiting for one. He climbed on top of Patrick, somehow managing to squeeze into the small bunk without knocking himself out on the bed above them. He held himself above Patrick with one knee on either side of Patrick’s hips and his hands braced on either of his head. 

Patrick would have been content with just letting Gerard kiss the hell out of him but he’d been so close to coming when the curtain opened that he was groaning in frustration. He could only manage to break the kiss for a moment to gasp out, “So close,” before arching up into Gerard in an attempt to relieve the tension. 

“I’ll bet you are,” Gerard said with a beautiful smile. His cheeks were flushed and his lips wet from their kisses. “You started without me,” he accused as he kissed along Patrick’s jaw. 

“Wanted to start with you but Frank and Mikey,” Patrick began to whine.

“Please don’t talk about my brother right now,” Gerard said with a laughing grin that Patrick could feel against his neck. “I’m trying to have sex and you’re going to make it weird.” 

“I would have something to say about somebody’s kettle making things weird,” Patrick said, taking a deep breath as Gerard slowed things down with light kisses on his neck and shoulders,”but I’m all on board for this sex you speak of.”

“Does that make you the pot?” Gerard asked, lifting his head from Patrick’s body and grinning at him. 

“Oh my god. Worst dirty talk ever,” Patrick chuckled, pulling Gerard back down to kiss him softly. Gerard sighed happily in his mouth and finally brought their bodies closer. Patrick could feel Gerard’s erection against his thigh and he couldn’t help but to lift his hips slightly to rub against him. 

“In a hurry?” Gerard said, laughing a little even as he moaned into Patrick’s skin. 

“In case you haven’t noticed, we’re on a bus surrounded by a bunch of drunk and or high idiots who could come in any time now and I was...” Patrick began but couldn’t finish. Even as turned on as he could tell Gerard was, it was still incredibly embarrassing to think about how Gerard had found him. How often does your sexual fantasy walk in on you in the middle of pretending to suck them off in your bunk? 

“The sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Gerard supplied helpfully. “I really need to get you stretched out on a real bed but the bunk is going to have to do,” he said scooting off Patrick so he could pull at his own pants. 

“You look like you’ve done this before,” Patrick said and then his eyes went wide when he realized what he’d just said. “I mean...” 

Gerard laughed. “Every time I think you can’t get more...” he said, hands pausing on the zipper of his jeans. He leaned forward to kiss Patrick on the nervous pout that had formed on his lips. “God I have got to get you naked.” 

Patrick looked up at him incredulously. “You just into awkward, man?” 

“I’m sure you mean adorable. Right now I’m just into you and you happen to be adorable and stupidly sexy at the same time. I’m not really sure how you do it,” Gerard said and then kissed along Patrick’s jaw. It was an odd angle as he was still standing in the hallway between the bunks as he attempted to urge Patrick to lift his hips so he could help remove his jeans. Gerard’s hands were running along his skin and he was having a terribly difficult time processing it. If this was what it felt like to have Gerard’s hands on his hips... 

“Screw this,” Patrick said as he pushed Gerard’s hands off him and hopped out of the bunk. He pulled Gerard’s hand toward the back lounge and its promise of space and non-coffin shaped horizontal surfaces. Locking the door behind him, he pulled a chair in front of it and shoved it against the handle just in case. Pete could be remarkably strong when he wanted to fuck with Patrick and he’d done far too much of that tonight, thank you very much. When he spun around, he saw Gerard smiling at him and he flushed again, almost embarrassed but more turned on than anything. “Nakedness now.” 

“Does that mean you’re going to take your hat off or like everything but?” Gerard said with a self satisfied chuckle. 

“I can certainly take care of myself if you want to be in here alone. I was doing just fine a minute ago,” Patrick threatened as he tossed his hat at Gerard. He watched as Gee grabbed the neck of his t-shirt and pulled it off. Okay maybe it was a whole lot better this way. Just maybe. 

“Hey I can absolutely get down with you in a trucker hat and nothing else,” Gerard said as he stepped into Patrick’s space. All of the awkwardness Gerard had shared with him in My Chem’s bus was replaced by heat and Patrick wasn’t sure when that had happened. He felt his own palms sweating but Gerard seemed completely comfortable with taking this as far as he could. 

“You’re warped,” Patrick said as he backed up against the wall, subconsciously stepping away from Gerard as he advanced on him.

“You’re not the first person to say so,” Gerard said, the air from his mouth tickling Patrick’s lips. He moved his mouth along Patrick’s jaw, not touching, just ghosting his breath along the skin. When he reached Patrick’s ear he tugged the lobe for a moment before adding, “I’ve been thinking about this for months and if that makes me warped then I think we’re on the right tour for that.” 

Patrick groaned, his eyes fluttering closed at the implication. He’d been watching Gerard for months and he thought he’d caught him returning the favor but having him confirm it was endlessly hot. When he opened his eyes again, Gerard was looking at him with an expression that was all heat, the teeth that had been torturing Patrick’s skin now biting his own lower lip. 

“Kiss me,” Patrick said, looking up at Gerard. 

Without comment, Gerard released the lip he’d been nibbling. He placed a hand on either side of Patrick’s jaw and gently touched their lips together. Patrick wanted so much more but wasn’t sure how to take it. He was still so hard from earlier and the soft kisses just weren’t enough. He couldn’t help the frustrated whimper from escaping up his chest and out his lips. Gerard seemed to understand without being explicitly told. He slid his tongue along Patrick’s lips as he brought their bodies closer together. When Patrick opened his mouth and lifted his hands to grasp at Gerard’s hair he felt an answering whimper against his chest. 

“God Patrick,” Gerard said as he broke the kiss and ground his erection against Patrick’s. “I want to fuck you so much right now. Or you can do me,” he added quickly. “I don’t really care. I just want you to... I just want you,” he said with a gasp as their jean-clad erections slid against each other. 

Patrick would have echoed the sentiment if he could actually talk right now. Instead, he pushed Gerard back for a moment to pull his t-shirt off. He stepped forward, putting an arm around Gerard’s neck, kissing him, as he guided them toward the couch. It was ratty and dirty but he wasn’t going to be able to stand for much longer. Patrick slid their tongues together and groaned when he felt Gerard’s hands sliding, first his own, and then Patrick’s jeans to the floor. 

Patrick couldn’t help but stare for a moment at Gerard’s pale body before pulling him close and kissing him. He dragged them both to the couch, pulling Gerard on top of him. The feeling of Gerard’s skin sliding along his was like a gift after all of the waiting. When Gerard swiveled his hips to grind into Patrick he moaned into both of their mouths and Patrick felt the moan through his entire body. 

“Patrick,” Gerard moaned, breaking the kiss and bracing his hands on either side of Patrick’s head. He dipped back in to kiss Patrick as he slid their cocks against each other. 

“Naked,” Patrick ordered. He would have been embarrassed except for the burning need to come taking over his entire body. “Want you naked.”

Gerard pulled off him for barely a second to strip himself of his last piece of clothing. He kissed Patrick again and then pulled away to help Patrick remove his boxers. He looked down at Patrick’s body with lust-filled wonder and stopped for a moment. 

“What?” Patrick said, flushing a little and trying to stop himself from covering his body. Gerard was just _staring_ at him and it was unsettling. 

“Looking at you,” Gerard said as if it explained things. 

“Okay?” Patrick drew out to let him know that it explained nothing. 

“I’m going to fuck you later,” Gerard promised. “But right now I ride you so badly I can’t think straight.” 

“God Gee,” Patrick said. He watched Gerard looking around the room as if he was trying to find the keys to the kingdom. 

“Lube?” Gerard said finally. 

“Under the couch,” Patrick said, reaching his hand under the flaps and pulling out a box that held condoms and lube. He watched a crinkle of confusion crossing over Gerard’s face and shrugged. “Don’t ask.” 

Gerard climbed back into his lap and took the box from his hands. “I won’t,” he said as he leaned back down to kiss Patrick again. The formerly controlled sucking kisses turned into more biting breathless kisses after a few minutes and, when Gerard groaned into his mouth, Patrick realized he’d been prepping himself the entire time. 

“Gerard,” he said into his mouth. “God. Are you...?” 

“Want you...” Gerard managed before biting the right side of his lip into his mouth and rolling his eyes back into his head. “Almost ready...” he gasped. 

Patrick could do little more than slide his hands along Gerard’s hips as he watched a living breathing wet dream happen in the middle of his lap. Gerard was fucking himself back onto his fingers and Patrick had never seen anything that even came close to being this hot. He’d had dreams about being with Gerard even before he’d met the man but this was without compare. 

“Okay,” Gerard said finally. “Now.” He looked down at Patrick expectantly and it took Patrick a moment to realize he was supposed to be doing something. 

“Oh,” Patrick said, grabbing a condom from the box. He tore the packet open with lust muddled fingers and slid it down his cock with a groan. He wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to hold out. He had been so close to coming when Gerard had interrupted him and while this was infinitely better that jerking off in his bunk, this could become embarrassing in a hurry. 

Gerard took Patrick’s cock in his hand and positioned himself over it. He looked Patrick in the eye and sucked in a breath as he slowly slid down. He let out the breath when he was sitting on Patrick’s lap and bit his lip with a groan. 

Patrick tried to be patient, he really did. He tried to just let Gerard get used to the feeling of being filled. He tried to be calm and wait it out but he couldn’t breathe. Gerard was so tight around him and he was _dying_ here. 

“Gee,” Patrick whined. “Gee please. Please. Please. I love... ” he cut himself off as his brain ignored the cut off words and focused on the feeling of Gerard above him. Patrick’s hips thrust up without his permission. “I’m sorry, Gee. Please, God. Move. Please, ” he begged. 

Gerard raised himself and kissed Patrick lightly before sliding back down. “Not going to last...” he gasped as he began to slowly fuck himself on Patrick’s cock. “God Patrick, not gonna last. Touch me,” he begged in return. 

Patrick licked his hand and both saw and felt Gerard gasp when he finally closed it around Gerard’s cock. He set a fast pace to match Gerard fucking himself on Patrick as he jerked him off. 

“What’d you think about?” Gerard asked, out of nowhere. 

“When?” Patrick gasped, feeling himself so near to coming he was surprised he could understand words. 

“When you were in your bunk. You said...” he trailed off as he fucked himself forward into Patrick’s hand and backward onto his cock. “You said it was me. Tell me what you were...” 

“Sucking you,” Patrick gasped. 

“What?” Gerard said, surprised. Patrick wasn’t sure why, he’d caught him with his own fingers in his mouth. 

“Looking up at your face while I had your cock in my mouth,” Patrick elaborated. He normally wasn’t quite so free with the dirty talk but Gerard felt so good, this all felt so surreal and amazing. “Sucking you into my throat and swallowing around your dick as you watched me.” 

“Fuck,” Gerard ground out as he slammed himself down onto Patrick’s cock as hard as he could. “Keep talking, Patrick. Keep...” 

“I wanted to suck you in so deep that my voice would be completely fucked tomorrow. Everyone would know...” 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Gerard chanted as he lost all rhythm and thrust into Patrick’s hand once more before coming all over both of them and collapsing onto Patrick’s chest. “Fuck Patrick.” 

Patrick bucked up into Gerard only a handful of times before he came into the condom. He kissed into Gerard’s neck and tried to get his breathing back under control. His whole body was still vibrating like bass string and Gerard was practically shaking above him. 

“Gee?” he said, running his hands along Gerard’s back in concern. “You okay?” 

When Gerard finally lifted his head, he was laughing. Patrick was pretty sure it wasn’t because he was bad at sex because Gerard had finished _before_ him but it was still an odd response to coming. He honked out his goofy laugh before kissing Patrick lightly and then smiling down at him.

“If that hadn’t been so good, I would have been mortified, man.” 

“Why?” Patrick asked, completely baffled.

“It usually takes me longer,” Gerard said. 

Patrick couldn’t help the undignified snort that came from his nose. 

“Hey!” Gerard said, slapping Patrick on the shoulder and then rubbing his hand. “Ow.” 

“I wasn’t laughing at you, man,” Patrick assured him. “I came less than a minute after you.” 

“But you had been...” Gerard said, gesturing to the bunks behind him. “And, God. To hear you talk about...” he trailed off with a moan before kissing Patrick with a sleepy slowness. “That was amazing,” he said against Patrick’s lips. 

“Yeah,” Patrick said happily. “It really was.” 

He held the condom as Gerard climbed to the side and tucked his head into Patrick’s neck. Patrick fell asleep just like that. The feel of Gerard’s breath on his skin, the weight of Gee above him, and a huge smile on his face. He tugged off the condom, tying it, and dropping it onto the floor to deal with in a minute. He’d get up in a minute and...

He woke with a start a few hours later to the noise of a bus backfiring. He looked down to see Gerard still cuddled into him and sighed happily as he brought a hand to Gerard’s face and sliding his fingers along his skin. He tried to bask in the afterglow but his stupid overactive brain was backing up to the nearly spoken “I love” from last night. He’d been halfway to saying... He could have been saying “I love your ass” or “I love your mouth” or “I love this sex! This sex is awesome!” but after months of talks and glances across rooms and just watching and waiting even Patrick couldn’t convince himself otherwise. He hadn’t meant to say it. He didn’t know he felt it until it started to bubble up out of him. Now he was laying with a happy sated Gerard Way sitting on top of him and he felt trapped. 

“Um...” he said as gently shook Gerard. “We should probably...” he said as Gerard’s eyes opened and he became aware of his surroundings. “Everyone will be going to their buses soon.” 

Gerard looked over at him with a confused expression before finally saying, “Oh right,” and climbing slowly off Patrick. 

“So, thanks,” Patrick said before almost smacking himself in the forehead for being a complete idiot. 

“Always thanking me,” Gerard said with a sleepy laugh as he pulled on his boxers and threw Patrick his. 

“I’m sorry,” Patrick said, pulling on his clothes with a grimace. “I’m not the lyrics guy in this band. You’d have to go to Pete for the words.” 

Gerard made a clearly disgusted face and shook his head. “Pete? No thank you. I already have the member of Fall Out Boy I wanted.” He tugged his t-shirt over his head and looked at Patrick with a happy expression that ghosted off of his face after a moment. “Oh shit. We’re leaving today.”

“Yeah,” Patrick said lamely. “It’s okay.” 

“No,” Gerard said emphatically. “I have _the_ worst timing.” 

“Hey man, it’s not a big deal,” Patrick said in a shy voice. 

“But,” Gerard said, looking at Patrick with an expression Patrick couldn’t quite name. It looked like confusion and disappointment but he couldn’t be sure. 

“I mean you’ve got another tour right after this and so do we,” Patrick said trying to be logical even though he could feel the bile rising in his throat. He was never going to forget what Gerard smelled like, looked like, tasted like... He was never going to forget how easy it had been to talk to him about any subject ever. He was never going to be able to keep the memories from sticking his brain. “I mean long distance is really hard, right?” he said as he turned around and picked up his t-shirt. He took a slow deep breath as he pulled the shirt over his head and then turned back around. 

“Right,” Gerard said slowly. “But we could...” he started before looking down at his feet. “Right.”

“I mean...” Patrick tried to say something, anything that would make this moment not so interminably awkward. He really wanted to be with Gerard but just because this summer tour thing had finally come to a header, didn’t mean that it meant anything more than that they had both wanted each other. Sure, Patrick felt something more but it wasn’t like Gerard gave any indication of it being a real thing for him. He was trying to be nice so that the tour wouldn’t end on a sour note and hurt Patrick’s feelings... wasn’t he? 

“No...” Gerard said, pulling his jeans up and zipping them. “I guess I get what you’re saying.” 

“Well... thanks,” Patrick said, immediately wincing in his head. 

“Always thanking me...” Gerard said distantly. He grabbed his shoes, moved the chair Patrick had used to block the door, and turned back to Patrick. “See you ‘round.” 

~*~

Patrick sat in his bed as the long and the short of what had happened between them settled into his head. There were parts he had really spun differently.

**Author's Note:**

> And then it was supposed to end with Patrick and Gerard having hot make up phone sex and then getting together and Patrick being part of this open V poly relationship with Gerard and LynZ. 
> 
> I swear. INSANE.


End file.
